And, for our final number of the day:
I look over to see the four-year-old putting his entire, yes entire, hand
into his ice cream bowl.
“What are you doing?!”
“My spoon doesn’t get all this stuff,” he replies, holding up his hand to
show me his fingers, covered in melted chocolate. Classy.
Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by the look, feel or contents of a parenting book. Okay, it’s true: I can’t actually see you out there in cyberspace, but I imagine that I’m not the only one with my hand in the air. Although I’m a self-proclaimed self-help book junkie (and that includes the topic of how to be a better parent), I do find that parenting books can overwhelm me with tips, tricks, suggestions and even threats…if you don’t do ‘x’, your child will suffer.
So, I’m happy to report that I found the opposite to be true with The Childproof Parent, co-written by Melissa Benaroya and Robin Dowdy. This beautiful book (it really has a lovely, inviting design) contains just the advice this mama needed.
As they explain in the book, Benaroya and Dowdy are certified and credentialed in several parenting and counseling techniques. They are also co-founders of a Seattle organization, Mommy Matters, that provides support and coaching for parents. Basically, Benaroya and Dowdy have done all the reading, observing and testing of the parenting techniques and boiled it down to five simple, yet effective, ways to respond to our kids.
But before you get into responding to your kids, they caution, we need to recall who we are. Yes, the first topic covered is: YOU. And the importance of being YOU for your kids. Not far behind YOU is your relationship with your partner. These two elements (YOU and YOUR RELATIONSHIP) are key to being a childproof parent. After reading this book, I think of the “childproof parent” as someone who weathers the storms of their kids…whether the ship is rocking, the waves are crashing, or the boat is peacefully docked in the port, basking in the sun, that parent maintains who they are. And being true to who we are, flaws and all is the life preserver for us for our families.
I don’t want to share all of their tips because I think you’ll enjoy their book. Let me just say that I read the book in one night (a thumbs up for this busy mama) and I used the first technique (reflect) the very next day when my seven-year-old son was out-of-control angry that I had given him a consequence for some behavior. Did the glitter and stars drop from our living room ceiling at this moment? No. But what did happen? I reacted in a way that helped keep me calm, eventually helped him calm down and allowed us to move on to a more positive moment. Now that’s a technique I can embrace.
So, go ahead. Check out just one more parenting book. You’ll be very glad you did.
When you’re looking for a house, most real estate agents will tell you: it’s all about location, location, location. When you’re looking for a good story, I’ll tell you: it’s all about character, character, character. And when it comes to character, Suzanne Kamata is a pro.
Suzanne, the co-editor for fiction at LiteraryMama and the author of several books, has done it again with her most recent collection of short stories, The Beautiful One Has Come.
In this collection she introduces us to the young woman obsessed with Egypt, the foreign wife who struggles with her Japanese mother-in-law, the doctor who has an airplane from WWII in front of his hospital for mentally ill (or tired) people and the gay, Hawaiian hula dance instructor who who struggles in a society that doesn’t yet embrace who he is.
Through her characters and their compelling stories (with twists!) Suzanne allows readers to immediately dig in and experience sacrifice, grief, reconciliation, disappointment and hope — in just a few, short pages.
From a writer-reader’s (is that a word?) perspective, what are some signs (in addition to the compelling characters and top-notch writing) that this collection is a keeper?
Simply put: I savored each of the stories in The Beautiful One Has Come and think you will, too. Some advice? Consider buying this as a holiday gift for your favorite reader…and that includes you!
I was thrilled to learn that Elizabeth Pantley, author of the “No-Cry” series (parenting books that offer sensible advice on topics such as sleep, discipline, separation anxiety, napping and potty training), has published a new book! This book, The No-Cry Picky Eater Solution, came out just in time — when I felt like I might lose it if we had one more tear-filled, dramatic “discussion” about food at our family’s dinner table!
People who see my kids eat might be surprised that we have tears at our table. Both of them like most vegetables, fruits and whole grains as well as dairy products such as cheese, milk and yogurt. But, when it comes to those icky, disgusting foods such as chicken, onions or eggs, both of our boys can pull out the gag reflex faster than you can say fried green tomatoes. (For those who might be curious, the sound of the gag reflex in stereo at your dinner table is not appealing. At all. Trust me.)
Below are just three of the many tips I gleaned from Elizabeth’s book. One of the great things about the No-Cry series, and this book is no exception, is that you can put what you read into action right away. So for each tip that I gleaned, I’m including an example of how I was able to implement it.
So, if you’re struggling with a picky eater at your house, I recommend the No-Cry Picky Eater Solution. Like me, you are bound to find some tips and support that will help your family meals become more manageable.
And if you can figure out phylo dough, or have tips about it, please send them my way!
Last night, at the end of what felt like a very a long day with a just-turned four year old in the house, I updated my status to say this:
So far the age of four seems to be *really* trying for the mother, father, older brother and even random strangers who have the pleasure of being around said four-year-old individual. Just sayin’.
Within minutes, there were friends from high school, college, work, from around the world, liking my status. Those who I’d known pre-kids and those I’ve met since having kids were leaving comments. Instantly I felt better.
Sometimes I felt better because someone had a “worse than” story . Or the simple, “I hear ya” that helped me feel less alone in the tug-o-war. Or perspective from parents who now have older kids, who’ve been where I am and looking back can safely say the tantrum of a four-year-old child will pass. Some even said they’d take puberty over this age.
I think about parenting and how it can be isolating. How, when walking through the grocery with a child who is throwing a fit and all the older women wearing galoshes are tsk tsk tsking you as you pass, it feels like no one has ever done this before you. And that you’re doing it all wrong. And that your kid will suffer for the rest of his life because you growled at him to get out of the car. Now.
But these Facebook moments when I get support from around the world? They bring the lousy day back into perspective. I’m part of a community of parents. My sons will have good days and they’ll have bad days. So will I. And that’s okay. Because soon enough these two beautiful boys of mine will hit puberty.
And, from what I hear on Facebook, that’s a piece of cake.
It’s been ages since I looked at Twitter. But while I was there today, I had an epiphany. Pretty cool to have an epiphany, considering it’s only 140 characters and all.
I was inspired to get on Twitter to check if Jodi Picoult has an account. Indeed she does. I’m now a follower. One of 39,000+ people who follow her on Twitter. But still. We’re connected.
But this connection with Jodi wasn’t the epiphany to which I refer. The epiphany was the thing that hit me as I read Jodi’s tagline and then the tagline of a few other famous novelists and writers. My thoughts are in italics:
Jennie Shortridge: Bestselling author of four novels, including When She Flew, and co-founder of Seattle7Writers.org. (I have the pleasure of knowing Jennie and of having read all of her bestselling books. She rocks as a writer, person and as someone who both creates community and gives back, as we see in her work with Seattle 7 Writers.)
Jacquelyn Mitchard: Writer, fighter, mother of 9 kids, author of 21 books, walks the talk and dances it, too. New novel, ‘Second Nature:A Love Story. (Author of 21 books? Wow! And to write all those books in addition to being the mother of nine kids? Holy cow.)
Judy Blume: Are you there, Twitter? It’s me, Judy. (This not only gets points for being humorous, but think about it. Any of my female friends could tell you about Judy’s book and how it impacted our lives as girls in the 1970s.)
Susan Taylor Brown: Full-time dreamer, poet, author of children’s books, essayist, and artist. Finding the courage to create. Represented by Jodi Reamer of Writers House (Ah, yes, to have the courage to create AND to be represented by an agent!)
Jodi Picoult: author/mom/Wonder Woman (Keep it simple, sweet and don’t take oneself too seriously. Even if you’ve written umpteen books from which at least three movies have been made.)
So I got to thinking of my future-state Twitter tagline. What will it be? What could it be? It’s something I want to take time to consider. I believe that words create action, in our lives and in the world. I want to take time to manifest the right words. It’s like a positive affirmation, with a little touch of techie added to it.
My current tagline? I like it. It works for what I’m doing now. But I know there’s more to come. Freelance writer focused on writing for kids (picture books) and adults (articles on parenting, health and wellness).
Think about it — what’s your dream tagline? And if you’d like, please share it here.
I realized today that there are times when I am like a sponge: out there seeking insights about writing and drinking up all the information my brain can handle. Right now I’m a sponge seeking everything I can learn about personal essays.
The important thing for me to remember? Squeeze the sponge and put what I’m learning to use.
Thanks to the folks at SheWrites, I found out that today is the National Day on Writing. As they said, it’s for real — thanks to work by the National Council of English teachers, this was passed by the U.S. Senate.
SheWrites posed a challenge: say why you write in 140 characters or less. Here’s my response:
Writing connects me to a deeper place within myself and opens me to the larger community of universal, shared experiences.
Why do YOU write? Please post it as a comment below, and if you’re on Twitter post it using the hashtag #whyiwrite
Tonight it’s me and the two teen lovAHs at the table in my favorite, local library. I’m here with the laptop I bought so that I could write away from home. You know, so I wouldn’t be distracted. Yeah, right. So, what would I suggest one NOT do at the library when you’re supposed to be writing?
Here are my top ten “not-to-dos”, based on this evening’s careful research:
So…I’ll be back next Wednesday, with files and to-do list in hand. This was a good trial run, right?
This piece by Anne Lamott was in Sunset a while ago; maybe last year. My friend Jenni thankfully reminded me of it today.
As I wrote my list of things to do this morning, Anne’s words (yes, Anne Lamott and I are on a first name basis) were just what I needed to hear/read. I have freelance writing I need to do, but I put the sorting of my sons’ dresser drawers at the top of the list. The clearing of their toy clutter was next. The possible clearing out of my own closet. Important things. Very important things. Then came the writing — if time allowed.
Anyone looking at my sons’ drawers of overflowing t-shirts, pants that are on the brink of falling apart and socks past recognition, would argue that these drawers do need to be sorted, but must I do that right now? Or, could I use this 45 minutes that my husband has our sons occupied to get busy and put some words on the page (or the screen)?
In short, what would Anne Lamott do? Here’s what she says about talking to her students about finding time in our busy lives to write:
This is what I say: First of all, no one needs to watch the news every night, unless one is married to the anchor. Otherwise, you are mostly going to learn more than you need to know about where the local fires are, and how rainy it has been: so rainy! That is half an hour, a few days a week, I tell my students. You could commit to writing one page a night, which, over a year, is most of a book.
What is the response from her students? And then, her words of wisdom in response to their objections?
They look at me bitterly now—they don’t think I understand. But I do—I know how addictive busyness and mania are. But I ask them whether, if their children grow up to become adults who spend this one precious life in a spin of multitasking, stress, and achievement, and then work out four times a week, will they be pleased that their kids also pursued this kind of whirlwind life?
So, how do you balance your whirlwind life with writing? If you don’t balance the two, what’s one SMALL way you’re going to try and change it this week so that you get one page written?
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